jokes

veestyle

veestyle

New member
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
 
veestyle

veestyle

New member
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . . the works.

Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"

"No, of course not," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get lucky, either."

 
M

Michael Swindoll

New member
veestyle said:
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
Click to expand...


Hahahahahaha... clap.gif clap.gif
 
J

jdeaton

New member
JEWISH SUNBATHING


A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally  deserted beach at Ft. Myers.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had  walked up,  placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.


"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.

Yes, I live over in Cape Coral ", he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,  "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?
 
Devilman

Devilman

Well-known member
Two hobos were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one hobo said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other hobo.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a $50 bill. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other hobo said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm luckier than that. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Damn" said the first hobo. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job too?"

"Well, no"... the other hobo said. "I never found her head."

rofl.gif
 
Devilman

Devilman

Well-known member
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor.

He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

"No, no, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

:cheesy:
 
K

KONA77

New member
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"  Jimmy replied crying,  "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy,  "I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!"

:cheesy:
 
Patchman

Patchman

Administrator
Staff member
Devilman said:
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor.

He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."

"No, no, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

:cheesy:
Click to expand...
clap.gif :smile16:
 
Patchman

Patchman

Administrator
Staff member
KONA said:
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"  Jimmy replied crying,  "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy,  "I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!"

:cheesy:
Click to expand...
:smile29:
 
C

ChryslerJet

New member
Patchman said:
KONA said:
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"  Jimmy replied crying,  "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy,  "I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!"

:cheesy:
Click to expand...
:smile29:
Click to expand...
You confused Patch?
 
Patchman

Patchman

Administrator
Staff member
ChryslerJet said:
Patchman said:
KONA said:
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"  Jimmy replied crying,  "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy,  "I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!"

:cheesy:
Click to expand...
:smile29:
Click to expand...
You confused Patch?
Click to expand...
Maybe! Do you care to explain it too me, in pretty simple terms that I can understand that is! :smile30:
 
K

KONA77

New member
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

:laugh:  :grin:
 
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